Sour grapes your way to mental health?
You know the Aesop's fable of the Fox and the Grapes, right? If not, here's the wiki summary:
Driven by hunger, a fox tried to reach some grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the fox remarked "Oh, you aren't even ripe yet! I don't need any sour grapes." People who speak disparagingly of things that they cannot attain would do well to apply this story to themselves.
This story is often brought up to show the folly in diminishing the things out of your grasp. But my thesis is that in moderation, being "sour grapes" could actually help your mental health!
Here's how: If there is something (or *someone) you have lost or that's been taken from you — it can hurt. (e.g. breakups, financial losses, etc.) *If you have done everything in your power to right the situation and nothing changes, then it is time to accept it *So think about all the ways that thing or person is flawed. But you don't need to go overboard — don't be cruel or mean-spirited. Try to be as objective as you can manage. You still find a fair bit you may have glossed over, suppressed, or ignored when things were going well. *Then be grateful that this flawed things/person/etc is no longer in your life. *Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't. But it's all a narrative anyway! So why not choose one that helps?
Obviously, I have not tested this idea out with edge/extreme cases. So don't ask me if I think that incels are justified in insulting women who reject them. I don't...but that's a story for another time.
In the meanwhile though, the "moderately sour grapes" approach is not a bad one to get you on the path of acceptance.