I got to rewrite my story
15 years ago, I was part of a school musical production. As a member of the supporting cast, I was given one line to deliver. Sounds easy enough, right? Everything was fine during rehearsals. But on the day of the show, I flubbed that one line. Objectively speaking, that made no difference to the show which went on just fine. But inside, I felt like crap. The inner critic within me went — Just one line and you can’t even do that properly. I think you aren’t cut out for acting.
It’s not like I became a wallflower or anything like that. I did stage-adjacent stuff like public speaking and emceeing, and enjoyed them a lot. When I was on exchange, I picked up a bit of courage to audition for some improv groups, but was rejected by all of them. That further solidified the story, that I can’t act. A story that stayed with me for over a decade.
But today, I got to rewrite the story at my debut improv showcase. If you’ve read this blog, you may know that I joined some improv classes to step out of my comfort zone and change the narrative parts of me have held onto. In the process, I found that I enjoyed improv a lot and felt myself learn things about myself. The thing about classes though, is that they are safe. Any “failure” is seen only by your peers who are also learning. But a showcase? That’s when the public can see you in action. That’s when the stakes are real. That’s when you are judged not as a student but as a performer. That fear of looking like a fool brought up a great deal of resistance within me.
Over the years, though, I’ve learnt to lean into this resistance because what I resist more often than not, is what I need to do for myself. So I signed up for a showcase for beginning improvisers.
I was anxious about how it would turn out because of that decade-old soundtrack. But it turned out more than fine. I didn’t crash and burn. I didn’t mess up lines. I was just able to trust my partners and have fun. Of course, there were things I did well and things I could improve on but I was not made a laughingstock. In fact, I could feel that people enjoyed my performance the more I leaned into it.
So that old story? That’s no longer true. I too can act. I’m not going to win any acting award but I know that the stage can be for me too. There’s something energising about being able to rewrite your own story.
I hope you choose to rewrite a story that no longer works for you anymore. If not, at least take the first step towards choosing a story that lifts you up.