What good is my body?
I broke a record recently — I fell ill twice in the span of 2 weeks.
The first time, the doctor told me I had a viral infection and gave me some medicine which I diligently took. After a few days, I slowly got better. Just when I thought I was in the clear, the weekend came and I suddenly started feeling like I was walking through quicksand. I ran a fever and mostly just repeated the cycle of sleep, eat/drink, take my medicine, and back to sleep.
A part of me felt sorry for myself, that my life had to come to a standstill when I was ill. Dinner catch-ups, work, badminton all came to a stop because I couldn't manage. Another part of me was also annoyed at my body — for not being strong enough, for succumbing to illness easily, and for getting in the way of living my life.
In the course of my sickbed reading, I came across this passage from Julia Baird’s Bright Shining: How Grace Changes Everything:
Our bodies —our misshapen, lumpy, wobbly, birth-marked, uneven, scarred, imperfect bodies—are our vessels. If only we were more gracious towards them. They won't last forever, they will eventually grow frail, and we will miss the strength and vigour of our younger selves. But, for now, when alive, when upright, when walking through days with purpose, with pain, they are vessels for adventure, for sleep, for song, for dance, and a place where we experience joy.
For context, in the chapter where this passage is from, Baird writes about how one of the things the dying often wish for is to have appreciated, rather than hated their bodies, while they lived.
Baird’s words reminded me of how my body, rather than being an obstacle to my life, is in fact what enables my life. One could even say my body…is my life. The times I spent hiking among Nature’s wonders, or dancing to EDM music, enjoying dinner with my wife, ruffling my dog’s fur — the small and big joys —these were all things I could experience because of my body. And for that I’ll always be grateful.
So maybe when my body needs some rest, it’s okay for it to get what it needs. Even though the timeline is not to the satisfaction of my “inner manager”. It’s also a good reminder to take care of my body well whether treating it to the wonders of a good night’s sleep or healthy food.
Health comes and goes in seasons, and in the low season, it can be a lovely thing to be “excessively gentle with myself”, in the words of Irish poet John O’Donohue.